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9-16th January 2012

Updated: Sep 18, 2020

Monday 9th January 2011

I went to my first baby group. I met lots of lovely mums with their babies and really enjoyed myself, but I got really upset later that night when thinking about it again, because they were all just breezing along and enjoying their maternity, and time with their babies, while I’m worrying constantly about operations and what my future health will be like. I wish I could just be like everyone else and enjoy myself and I really do think I’m missing out on a lot of things. I felt really down and depressed and had a good cry in the bedroom upstairs while Chris looked after Sam. It just made me realise how different things have been for me and it makes me so sad.

Tuesday 10th January 2011

I met Chrissy and Lina from yoga for lunch with our babies. “Colin” kept making horrible noises throughout the lunch and I was really embarrassed, laughing it off as I always do but it made me so self conscious. I wanted to have the fish pie but I was worried that it would be too rich, and I would nearly have an accident like last week in town, so I just had plain mushroom soup instead. It really pisses me off that I can’t just eat whatever I want to because of this stupid bag!!!

Saturday 14th January 2012

I was enjoying cuddles with Sam and he was smiling when I was talking to him when all of a sudden I smelt something funny – I thought that it was him then I realised that the smell was coming from me so I had to quickly hand Sam to Chris in the kitchen so I could check the bag. It had started to leak at the bottom without warning. I was really gutted I had to stop playing with Sam as I was really enjoying it – if Chris hadn’t been here I would have had to just put him in his moses basket and sort out the bag, which would not seem nice to him when I was in the middle of playing with him. How bloody annoying that this stupid bag gets in the way of precious playtime with my only son!!!!

Monday 16th January 2012

Chris and I took Sam to an osteopath at the Good Health Clinic due to his forceps delivery. The consultation was silent and my bag kept making noises. I was totally mortified and instead of just listening and watching what was happening I was preoccupied with hiding the noises the bag made.