April 21st 2012- 24th April

Saturday 21st April – Tuesday 24th April 2012

So it got to Saturday 2st April after a really hideous night. I could feel dripping and oozing between my legs all night over the Saturday, I was too scared to look as I was on my own with Sam and didn’t want to have to go to hospital on a Friday night with him when he should be in bed. I waited until 8am and had a look in my pants. There was pus and brown gunk everywhere, it almost looked like faeces. I washed in the shower and brown stuff, almost like fibre, came out of my rear end. I was really scared it was faeces and I didn’t know what to do. I quickly fed Sam and went to the walk in hospital where I managed to see a Dr. I cried in the waiting room and was so upset when I first saw her I could hardly speak. I was so worried as I knew something was wrong. She was very kind and examined me, she said that there was a lot of pus coming out of the fistula, and that the anti-biotics were working but the pus had all gathered up in the fistula and then burst out overnight. She referred me to the Pre-Surgical Assessment unit in the hospital in town. I was absolutely beside myself. Chris was offshore, my parents were at a funeral in South Wales, all my baby friends have their own babies to look after, and they weren’t answering their phones. I had no-one to look after Sam and I didn’t even know how to get to the hospital. Eventually I contacted Gareth who I work with and he came to my rescue. He drove Sam and I to the hospital and wheeled Sam around when he got upset. I was examined and they said they would look at me under general anaesthetic to work out what was going on. I was starved and had a room. My mum then arrived around 2:30pm from South Wales bless her, so Gareth took Sam to my house where she was waiting. I was eventually released from hospital around 6pm (?) as they said they would examine me the next morning. I went back the next morning but they had some emergencies in so I wasn’t actually put under until 5:30pm ish. I had asked for some fluids at before 2pm as I was getting very dehydrated and I was worried about it affecting my stoma working. I repeatedly asked and asked for fluids but the nurses said that they had been asking the Drs. At around 5:30 they attached me to the drip and then literally that second they came to take me to theatre.

I was discharged at around 8pm and Gareth came and picked me up and took me home. It was just awful in hospital I hate it so much! Sam had been upset all weekend as he could sense the tension, and he was up all Saturday night – I only had an hours sleep, not ideal before an op.!!! Fed up of the whole bloody thing!! I just really need to move home and be with my family to recover from this hideous ordeal. Something needs to give before I have a total nervous breakdown.

I rang my GP’s surgery at 8am and demanded to see GP. I saw her at 9 and told her I simply could not cope any more. She agreed that I should be on sick leave as I am clearly not capable of working, and in order for me to move home to be with my family so they can help me.

I got a call on the Tuesday, 24th April , from the GP’s surgery, saying that the hospital had lost the swab that I had done myself last Thursday in the surgery toilets!!!!! I said it didn’t matter as I had been operated on over the weekend. What a fucking joke.

My mum then took ill with a stomach bug....

I am so fucking fed up with all this. I had to miss Sam’s swimming lesson last Tuesday with Water Babies due to the infection, and I had to miss today’s session aswell because of the op. Today they put on goggles in the lesson and were able to watch their baby swim underwater for the first time. I am absolutely gutted that I have missed that. So gutted. Really really gutted. I just want to enjoy my maternity leave!!! I am sick to death of infections, of being ill, of worrying about everything all of the time. I am sick to death of it all, of everything, the whole lot. I am adamant that I am not having any more non-essential operations after this, adamant. No way. I have had enough!!!!!!