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30th December 2011-January 1st 2012

Updated: Aug 9, 2020

Friday 30th December 2011

I went to the dentist and to do some shopping but when I arrived at the dentist my bag was full so I had to ask to use the toilet. They did not have any toilets for public use so I had to explain I had a medical condition and had a card with me for emergencies. I was so embarrassed as I could tell that they were looking at me wondering what was wrong with me. The other people in the waiting room could hear what was being said and I’m sure they wondered too.

Sunday 1st January 2012

I had some champagne last night to see the New Year in and all day the bag has kept filling constantly, most of the time with air – I had to empty it 4 times in the morning! I’m getting really annoyed with it, I can’t just lie on the sofa and relax and all I did was see the New Year in. I’m sick of having to watch what I eat and drink!!! I just want to go back to the way I was. I’m really really worried about my appointment on Tuesday and what the colorectal consultant will say. I’m terrified that I’ll be faecally incontinent for the rest of my life – what sort of man will stick with me?? I am worried about the effect this is having on my marriage and relationship with Chris. Maybe this colostomy will be permanent? Maybe I’ll have to do a lot of physio to get my strength in the perineum back. I feel angry that this needn’t have happened and depressed.

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